Ruminations

The chewy thoughts of a queer Christian

This is the sound

I am settling. Death Cab for Cutie have said it sounds something like this.

Ba-baaa, Ba-baaa!

C. S. Lewis has compared conversion to Christianity to walking into a hallway with many rooms. I have considered myself a Christian for many months, standing in the hallway, poking my head around doors and trying to find the room that suits me. But I have settled in my local Church.

Easter was wonderful. The message was a perfect reminder – a dramatic illustration of the freedom from sin that Christ brings. I felt my place in the community was sealed then.

Having settled, new questions come to mind. I feel I am almost consciously, but naturally, making Evangelical Christianity my own.  For one, I read the Bible differently now. It has become so much more precious to me – I honestly feel like when I read it, I am reading the truth. This is odd for me, because before I only ever saw it as one way of connecting with God – a window on to the truth. Now I find that if something is written in the Bible in black and white, I need a good reason to dismiss it. I cannot simply decide what to believe any more. My faith exists in discussion with the Bible. So for the first time I must ask – what does the Bible say about homosexuality? I have soon got to decide my position on this, and I must be open to the interpretation that will close the window on same-sex relationships altogether. And then I may have to think about relationships with women. But that is a post for another day.

The next question is the big B. BAPTISM. Especially after reading The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer, I really really wanted to be Baptised. But Baptism will require assent to the creed – which one, I’m not sure. I will probably have to attend classes and stuff – I will need to talk to the pastor – but I have to make sure I agree with every point before I take the plunge. I’m secretly hoping for Baptism by full immersion. Now that I’ve settled, I’m really looking forward to becoming part of the body of Christ.

Another thing has been on my mind recently: settling into the idea of a relationship. I remember hearing it said in a sermon one time: ‘There is no time in your life when you are more selfish than when you are single’. I feel like my current attitude towards money – basically, that I don’t want to earn more than I need to survive – is actually very selfish. I should be aiming to earn enough to support myself and a partner. I should live capable of taking care of others, not relying on their charity. I think that is an important part of being datable to be able to support another person, and to be proud of what I do.

I feel so grateful to God to be where I am right now though. I trust in His blessing and His care. The future has never looked brighter 🙂

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