Friends Indeed, or, Answered Prayer
Sometimes I wonder about whether praying makes any sense. I pray to understand God’s will. I also pray for things. If I pray for things that are already God’s will, surely they will happen anyway? And if I pray for things that are not God’s will, surely they will not happen?
Either way, an answered prayer is a good sign. And right now I am amazed at God for answering.
Recently I have been struggling with the nether delights of the internet. It absorbs hours of my life. This is not unusual and in one form or another I have been trying to solve the problem of how to correctly handle lust.
So I sat down. I drew a spider diagram and identified causes. I made a list of ways to address them. I prayed for God to help me achieve the things on the list.
Today I found the most important item on said list. It was the one I thought would probably be the hardest to achieve, maybe even never. I need friends I can talk candidly about my sexuality with. Friends I can talk about the ‘wonders’ of the internet with. Friends I can talk about guys with. Friends I can be me with.
And I found them.
They are people I met at Church. I came out to them today, which is not such a big deal any more. But for them it paved the way to such candid conversation that I knew, I knew, was exactly what I needed. We clicked. There was no awkwardness. There was no weirdness. There was no shame. And I could be honest with them in ways that I never could with anyone, ever.
It changed me, and it changed our relationship.
When I look at the timeline of events that went from joining up with my church, meeting and getting to know these people, and identifying those needs… that conversation, to me, seems to have been the work of God in my life. The people I needed were already there. The pieces were all in play.
So what about my prayer?
From my perspective, looking back, it seems I was praying in the middle of a work. My prayer was simply asking God to keep doing what He was doing.
In the moment, I didn’t know that was what I was doing. I was simply identifying a need and laying it before God in faith that He would work. I have also been working on living the teaching, “not my strength, but Yours”, so I was praying with that in mind.
It is quite possible that I made that list, and prayed that prayer, because I knew what I needed. I knew what I wanted and my life was headed that way. But that conversation, with those people, today, did not have to happen the way it did. I did not set the topic of conversation. I did not intend for things to happen as they did.
Life came together and worked. For this I thank God.
I cannot know the chain of causation exactly. But I prayed for a thing, and I got it. Perhaps my prayer was answered.