Toe-dipping in the internet dating pool
I have signed up on an internet dating site so I can make contact with comely young gentlemen seeking the same.
So far I have contacted no-one. Internet dating is strange. Why?
1) Internet dating is designed for straight people
Internet dating as I understand it is designed for heterosexuals. When you are a man looking for a woman, you don’t see the other men asking the same lady to dinner. You just see the women, and you pick one to ask. When you are a man, looking for men, you are all picking from the same pool. You could all potentially date each other. You begin to wonder if this person should pick you, or him, and indeed, if you should pick him before he does. You can compare yourself and the other candidates. I guess that’s what it’s like in the gay world. (Get over it, AGreendown.)
2) People are terrible at describing themselves
“I am quite quiet but also outgoing. I can be shy at first but when you get to know me I talk a lot. I like a good night out but I also like a quiet night in with a DVD.”
So many people’s profiles read like that. What have I learned about you? Nothing. Nothing at all.
3) I have never dated in my life
Actually that’s not quite true. But those were special circumstances. Are there rules? For example, if I go for someone ‘out of my league’ – is that allowed?
4) Someone the same, or someone opposite?
I have recently learned that I am something of an introvert. Carl King did an amazing blog called 10 Myths About Introverts. I may not be a really extreme introvert but I found out some things which really spoke to me. Check this out:
“Myth #9: Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun. Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.”
This goes some way to explaining why I don’t have much of a social life. I don’t seek to do fun things, even though I do enjoy them. And organising social events is hard work for introverts, even though we do also enjoy going out (see myth number 5).
I am a little bit of ashamed of my lack of interest in doing stuff. I’m not entirely sure that I want to share my life with someone: it’s embarrassing.
So it would be good to find someone who knew how to do fun stuff and sort of got me into it. At the same time, I wonder if they would appreciate my apparent lacklustre attitude towards doing stuff. (On which, see What am I living for?) Eventually, when we settle, he’s going to notice I don’t go out of my way to organise stuff. I don’t want to end up a burden.
5) It feels a bit like shopping
I want to find The One. It’s probably not going to happen first try. Which is why I am quite reluctant to try a first date.
And assuming I find The Perfect Profile: what if he turns me down before we even get to meeting up? No no no… this is a bad time to be a perfectionist!