Ruminations

The chewy thoughts of a queer Christian

Did God make me gay?

Suddenly it really matters. Read more…

Good news

CNN Belief Blog

By Michael Pearson, CNN

(CNN) — Episcopal priests will be allowed to conduct services blessing same-sex relationships under a policy approved Tuesday at the church’s national convention in Indianapolis.

The convention’s House of Bishops approved the provisional policy 111-41 with three abstentions Monday, clearing it for consideration by the House of Deputies, which approved it Tuesday evening.

The policy was approved in the House of Deputies, following more than an hour of debate, by 78% of the voting lay members and by 76% of clergy.

With the vote, the Episcopal Church will become the largest U.S. denomination to officially sanction same-sex relationships. The Episcopal Church has about 1.95 million members in the United States, down 16% over the last decade, according to the church.

The service is not considered a marriage ceremony, media affairs representative Nancy Davidge said.

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Friends Indeed, or, Answered Prayer

Sometimes I wonder about whether praying makes any sense. I pray to understand God’s will. I also pray for things. If I pray for things that are already God’s will, surely they will happen anyway? And if I pray for things that are not God’s will, surely they will not happen?

Matthew 21:22

Either way, an answered prayer is a good sign. And right now I am amazed at God for answering.

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Heavy

Lens flare jumpWhen you are a baby, you cannot walk. You cannot run and you cannot jump.

Most grown-ups, unless they are disabled, can jump.

Somewhere along the line, you learned to jump. How does that happen? How do you explain it to someone who doesn’t know how?

‘I need you to bend your knees and lower your centre of gravity – now I need you to straighten out your quads and exert a force greater than your body weight downwards so that the energy will carry your weight in to the air and prepare yourself to land by keeping your muscles relaxed for impact.’

How not to jump

When you jump, you just jump.

Christianity deals with emotions and with God. It can be pretty difficult, when you take it seriously, to figure out how to do it right. And faith of all kinds should be about doing. Doing is not just about the way you treat other people – although that is important – but it is also about the way you handle your responses to other people and to God. It is about structuring your inner life. Sometimes you read an explanation of jumping without knowing what it is and it makes you think, ‘well what is that supposed to look like?’

Take this for example:

Come to me, all who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. – Matthew 11:28 (ESV)

What does that mean?

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Neversocial's Blog

Refreshing, amazing and so true… pls check out the Yes-butno Tumblr for more!

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Whenever I see the rainbow

The office where I work is plastered with rainbow flag stickers. The notice board has a thick copy of the inclusion policy stapled to it and one of my favourite Stonewall posters ‘Some People Are Gay. Get Over It!’, is pride of  place in the centre.

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Whack-a-mole

Sometimes my faith life is like playing whack-a-mole. As soon as you knock one doubt, or concern, or problem on the head, another one emerges somewhere else.

Today I realised I may never reach the ideal point that I wanted, the point where there are no more moles. I may never have it all figured out. Maybe I don’t need to have all the creases ironed out in order to have a faith I can be proud of, a faith that works, a faith that is enough.

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Plans

The End of Wishy-Washy

The God DelusionI have been reading The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins. Honestly speaking, I did not think it would have any effect whatsoever on my faith. It has.

I got through the first sections of the book fine – taking in my stride the scorn and ridicule that Dawkins pours upon religion. This is what I had expected. One section – the argument for religion based on personal experience – I did think could have had the potential for knocking my faith. But he seems to have limited himself to ridiculing religious visions and hearing voices and leaving it at that.

No. What got me was the chapter on the Roots of Religion. There is a much under-developed argument (most of his arguments are under-developed) that the existence of the soul, or the ‘God within’, or even Being, may be a psychological trick:

The psychologist Paul Bloom… points out that children have a natural tendency towards a dualistic theory of mind… A dualist acknowledges a fundamental distinction between matter and mind. A monist, by contrast, believes that mind is a manifestation of matter – material in a  brain or perhaps a computer – and cannot exist apart from matter. A dualist believes the mind is some kind of disembodied spirit that inhabits the body and therefore conceivably could leave the body and exist somewhere else. P. 209

He goes on to develop this theory very poorly and, I think, has missed out on an opportunity to strike out a very powerful argument for God – ‘I feel that He exists within me’. But I have developed it myself and it has given me a real problem.

How do I know that feeling the God within me is not just a trick of my brain? There is no way of knowing whether or not such a God exists. Essentially, believing in such a God is wishful thinking. To believe in such a God is almost an act of will – a choice. I want to believe in God; therefore, I will search for that which is God and when I find something that fits that label I will call it God. It doesn’t matter if that is not what people will conventionally call God, because I have found it. And I will maintain such a loose understanding of what God is that when people challenge it, it will morph. This understanding of God as ‘Being’ is essentially the making of the ‘spirit’, ‘soul’ or ‘inner self’ into the divine. It is making dualism (as defined above) sacred.

God as an inner reality was my trump card. All other qualities of God were secondary – such as transcendence, power, ability to work miracles, creator, goodness. The question was not whether or not God exists as figuring out what God is.

So what changed?

First of all, I’m not doing spirituality on my own any more. That happened before The God Delusion. I am grateful, at the moment, to be in a Church and building a new faith based on a tradition of rigorously figuring out how to make good sense of God.

I had to lay to rest the idea that I could figure God out by feeling. I had to stop trying to access God by efforting.

I had to move the location of God to outside myself. I had to stop turning inwards and start looking outwards. The point here is that connecting with God is not so much us meeting Him as Him meeting us.

I picture it like this: meeting someone can happen in a number of ways. I can meet you at your house, or you can meet me at my house, or we can both meet each other, say, in the park. Under my old model, meeting God was like meeting in the park. I was searching, and I found who I was looking for because I really wanted to. I didn’t know when God was going to show up and wasn’t sure what he would look like, but I found something that looked pretty much like God and named it so (Waiting for Godot much?). Under my new model, God is coming to my house at my invitation. In Revelations 3:20, God says:

Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.

I think that more what it’s like. God is coming to see us, and we can let him in. But I think we have to invite Him first.

If God is a reality outside of me, I can’t know Him well enough to be able to just say what I like about Him and believe it to be true. I cannot be wishy-washy. I actually might be wrong. I have to be careful, I have to check my statements against reality. I have no control over Him; and I don’t have to like everything He does. I cannot use Him for my own ends. I cannot own Him. This, I believe, is why He gave the commandment, ‘Do not use the Lord’s name in vain’.

What am I living for?

I recently had a conversation with some friends. They were feeling old; one of them was soon to turn 30 and the other was pondering having his first child. Time was ticking on and he was beginning to ask himself if there were things he might never get the chance to do. It struck me really deep and I started to ask myself some tough questions.

What do I want to do before I die? What am I living for?

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